Lee28. . matters of the heart are best decided by yourself. Finance is a different matter, you need to decide with your head. I have a girl friend of 15 years, she has never said "but I am your girl friend. ". She keeps the rents on her property s ,I keep the rent on my places I pay the phone , elec and gas She buys the food …We have seperate bank accounts. I make far more money so its fairly balanced . We tho are probably a lot older than you. Be very careful Lee, I feel you are being taken advantage of
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It’s hard to move the goal posts once they have been in place for 18 months as people don’t like it. If the posts stay, Lee feels resentful, if they get picked up and moved she will feel resentful.
Unless she genuinely doesn’t see the unequal arrangement that is in place.
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Hi Ms T. I think she’ll pay me the extra resentfully but like you say it may cause probs down the line, however I think that’s the line I’ll take, especially with Covid preventing me from working as a self employed musician. I’ve had to diversify and get a painting and decorating job on rubbish pay as I’m not entitled to universal credit as my girlfriends income is too high.
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Hi Colin. Yes your situation sounds like the perfect balance. As it stands she earns way more than me atm due to Covid and not once has offered to help me out or contribute more, I feel like I’m waking up!!!
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Hi Lee.
At least you have a plan. You might as well say whatever you need to as the situation isn’t sustainable as it is and so don’t see how you would have lost anything. Plus the fact you are foregoing any financial help from the government due to her being there. Wishing you good luck! Ms.T
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Hi Lee
Sorry this is a very blunt response, if my daughter tried that I would not be in agreement it’s out of order.
I’m not a landlord, but hey ! Lee she is a manipulating user!
Yes that’s harsh …I know but so unreasonably shellfish, the I’m your girlfriend manipulation tells me everything it’s dispicable and greedy using behaviour, she thinks you are a meal MEAL TICKET, how dare she even suggest such an insulting amount as her contribution.
You will always feel aggreived about this coerced agreement it’s not fair, She should pay half the running costs at least I agree with not allowing her to pay any of the mortgage too risky .
It will be I’m this and I’m that , then when she has worn you down an got the ring it will be I’m your wife… You are always going to be on the back foot, because as you have proved you’re a guy trying to be fair ,whilst she is taking the -------, just because you’re a nice guy, she is not nice . Do yourself a favour and get rid she is a Taker ???
Just where does she get off, thinking she can emotionally blackmail you, I could say much more this type of disgusting behaviour from her is what gets decient women a bad name.
Do yourself a favour and get rid she will take you for as much as you let her.
Had the situation been reversed, would you have offered the same with the qualification of but I’m your boyfriend ???
I think not,…do not be soft with her …
You know that your mate is right as you would not have posed the question
My apologies for being blunt good luck …listen to your friend. !
All the best
Alayne
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Hi Alayne
Thank you for the very passionate reply. I appreciate your bluntness.
Following all the comments so far I decided to address it head on with her. As a result she transferred £1750 to my account as back payment and claimed she’s never begrudged paying me more. However I remember a very different scenario at the time which I obviously stated. Great that she’s given me this money, however I don’t feel I can take it all off her, I’d be happy to transfer it all back and come up with a payment we can both agree on and be happy with. Part 2 of that discussion to be heard later. As it stands at the no, the mo ey she’s transferred is still sitting safely in my account.
I’ll keep you all posted but I really do appreciate all your comments so thanks again.
Lee
Lee28… You amaze me…She has backdated it and you dont feel you can take it all ??? Do you see Judge Judy on T V .? one of her favourite sayings is “are you nuts?”
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You are being mugged off.
She should pay half off the the living cost but make sure but not anything towards your mortgage.
As I could say she is a clever person and may have hidden agenda.
You have reminded me the days when I was working as a scientist am any years ago and a at tea time there was a general discussion about sharing the cost. One of the girl said her boyfriend moved with her and she owned the flat. They came to agreement that he would pay all the bills and she would pay her mortgage so incase if anything He could not claim anything towards her flat as he has not paid the mortgage. Then they halved just other living cost.
But one thing I liked about her that it’s not about I cannot pay or he cannot pay but we should take our financial responsibility.
So if she is arguing for not paying and making you feel guilty then it’s completely wrong and you should listen not just listen to your heart but to your head too.
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Hi Lee ,
Thanks for your response, I have seen too many users in my life and the pain they leave behind can be a torment to the victim who is trying to do the right thing and be fair.
Please remember if it does not feel right to you it’s not right and will probably always stay that way .
Please be aware of her passive manipulation, nice men are easy victims .
If in doubt dont… there have been a lot of varying responses as for the money she has transfered as back payment, sounds too easy like I’ve been caught in the headlights better pay , that easy layover and new agreement says she knew she was taking the mick but as long as she could she would.
The question is do you trust her new motives feelings aside if Not it’s a slippery slope
I hope with all the support from these pages you find a happy concludion.
Oh and you make sure you have the last word and are clearly showing your girlfriend you are not a soft touch listen to your mate people too
close sometimes need a friend to comment and tell it as it is…
Sorry again just look out for yourself wishing you all the best.
Kind regards
Alayne
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Haha yeah maybe I’m too soft for my own good.
In anycase she’s has refused to take anything back and up’d from contribution to £450 per month moving forward.
It shouldn’t have got to this stage but it’s done now so let’s see how things progress
Cheers Colin.
Lee
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Thanks for your response Prafula.
Yes similar to what the others have said here too. Well I’ve definitely listened and made some changes.
Best wishes and stay safe everyone.
Thanks again
Lee
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Thanks Alayne.
Very wise words. In all honesty I find it hard to trust people in general so the answer is no, not 
anyway. I’m pretty sharp ‘usually’ although I find it really hard to determine whether it’s all an act with my girlfriend and she plays the innocent victim each time we fall out by saying that I think she such a bad person when I’m just stating things that make me unhappy. She has a very kind nature in lots of ways so I may have painted a terrible picture but she says that I’m paranoid. The thing is I’ve got great intuition and my gut is telling me not all it seems to be. Watch this space.
Sorry I didn’t intend for this to become a counseling session lol but all you good wishes and support heartfelt.
Regards
Lee
all we want in life is to be happy and make enough money to have a decent life… When we share that life with another individual it has to be fair. Then when you become a parent …wow … they are more important than ourselves I do hope you have a settled life ,you seem a very reasonable guy
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Hi Lee
We have be fair to ourself to as well as be fair to others but don’t let other person to be unfair to yo.
Please we have to remember by being nice to someone does not me that person have to take advantage of you.
It’s good that you have opened up this discussion. All the best
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Well done for taking a deep breath and bringIng up the horrible subject of money. Hopefully you have done the part that perhaps you were finding most difficult.
I’ve already said my piece but thinking about it now, I think it could be simplified further. Which is just to split the bonus cash of rental income down the middle (without any need for a joint account as per my initial suggestion) She pays her mortgage and any repairs, you pay yours so no more discussions there and she still pays the £280 on top for her living expenses.
The rent received over is over £13k. She’s still quids in after offering you £1750.
Be clear on what it is you want. If you agree to something you still don’t really think is fair it is still going to wind you up and you will be back to square one.
She is in the same situation with Covid. If you asked her to move out she would be losing £362.50 each month even if you were receiving your fair share, so don’t feel guilty taking what she has offered. You sound a good guy and not right you are struggling and losing out on possible government help whilst someone else is benefitting.
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